When a Cannon Ball Shatters Reality

I am able to control my own life-
I am not able to control my own life

Photo Credit: Lana Southwood

 

Reality hit and impacted like a cannon ball. I do not possess the ability to control my life, no matter how independent I am. When someone tells me “you can’t,” I have always been one to prove to them wrong. When someone says, “you’re too small,” I will prove to them size does not matter.

And out of nowhere a cannon ball shatters my ability to control my life. I will say it a million times I am horrible at complete surrender. It is an aspect of my spiritual journey I keep laying down and picking it back up, thankfully Gods grace covers me and my stupidity.

Picture this, you are on the last play of a basketball and down by two. You have the ball and shoot 75 percent from the three point line, but you are heavily guarded. Down low you have a man wide open that can make shot to tie the game. Do you tie the game to go into overtime? Or do take the shot with a decent possibility to lose the game.

Lately, I have been the player taking the risky three’s and if there was such a thing as luck (and there is not)—lately, luck has been my game. But, my hot streak has come to an end. The short term game is lost, or so I believe it is. My eyes see a game lost, a journey coming to a halt, hard work gone unused and a team left in the dust.

But, at what point will I be able to cast aside seeing with earthly eyes and see with Heavenly eyes? My humanity is feeling a lost situation, no matter the avenue traveled. But, what does my spiritual heart believing?

Logically, I am sure my situation is a stupid and petty reason to be upset, but emotionally I am satisfied with being mad—it seems fitting. Is it the final breaking point that allows me to grasp the absolute need to totally surrender every ounce of myself to a Savior who already gave every ounce of Himself for me?

I believe there is a radical spiritual lessons and life to be lived during this time, and after. But, I first need to get past the hump that my reality has altered courses. It is not catastrophic as though it seems. It may even bring more peace than I believe possible, but to experience this I need to get past controlling my own destiny and my disbelief of physical healing. I cry out, Lord—I truly believe, but my humanity is getting the better end of me so help my stupidity of unbelief (Mark 9:24).

As I journey to step closer to understanding the Fathers opportunity for increased knowledge of the Spirit, He reaches out:

"Trust Me in the depth of your being. It is there that I live in constant communion with you. When you feel flustered and frazzled on the outside, do not get upset with yourself. You are only human, and the swirl of events going on all around you will sometimes feel overwhelming. Rather than scolding yourself for you humanness, remind yourself that I am both with you and within you. I am with you at all times, encouraging and supportive rather than condemning. I know that deep within you, where I live, My Peace is your continual experience. Slow down your pace of living for a time. Quiet you mind in My Presence. Then you will be able to hear Me bestowing the resurrection blessing: Peace be with you.” Jesus Calling, Enjoying Peace In His Presence by Sarah Young

If we will just go an inch, God will go a mile and beyond. An even more raw radical thought, we do not even have to go an inch for God to come racing our direction with arms wide open saying, “come unto Me—I love you!”

It is my time to be quiet, to slow down and mediate on His Presence. I am going to struggle with this because S l o w i n g down is not an aspect of life I have perfected. I am a butterfly that always has someone to see or something to do. My wings just got a trim and are out of order for a span of time. In the mean while, Jesus is begging for my time. He has been waiting, and I have put Him on hold. He’s heard all the annoying hold songs and messages, but never once did it enter His mind to hang up. Instead, He hung around—radical.

It is time to meet with Him and trust that He has it all figured out and constructed way beyond my human comprehension. As Corrie Ten Coom said, “When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don’t throw away the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineer.”

Yes, a cannon ball shattered my reality. Yes, I was and am mad about it. But, I know that with the internal tormoil that errupted from this injury that God is about to flip my world upside down. I am ready to rope the cannon ball and ride it out. Converting back to my athletic mind set, "where there is no pain there is no gain." The pain is present, but gain is near.

A Radical Prayer-Praise Connection

Finally, I am grasping a little more of Jesus through the spiritual eye of the prayer-praise connection.

Photograph by Dwayne Southwood

While on a road-trip to a wedding in Missouri I was reading, the “The Circle Maker,” by Mark Batterson, to my family. I was radically shaken by a thought: What if we prayed in praise?

Growing up in a family and around spiritually equip Jesus lovers, I’ve always heard “pray until something happens.” But, what would happen if we prayed via praise until something happened? 

Isn't praising God for something we know He has already figured out, transformed or won the essence and base of faith itself? In Hebrews 11:1 it speaks of faith as believing in what you cannot see. Human eyes can fog our ability to see the spiritual realm of Gods great devotion to us. When the realm is foggy, praise. Pray in complete thankfulness and awe that you know He will answer. In such a humble matter that it comes out as earnest praise. We praise though we cannot see. God rewards because He can see. Now that is radical.

       “The Circle Maker,” is based on praying circles around your biggest dreams and greatest fears. Prayer truly changes everything. I encourage everyone to seek out their biggest dreams and greatest fears. Dreams add joy and faith to our lives, but fear hinders joy and faith. It is time to seek out impossible dreams and discard hindering fears. 

       Start the circle journey by praying fervently around them, drench them in the tears, joy, praise, passion and thankfulness of your heart. Set aside time to make these your primary priority. It can be your dream, the dream of your loved ones or a friend. 

       I encourage you to journal your thoughts, prayers and growth during this time. It is humbling to see the finish after reading the beginning. Also, it is a great place to return to when the devil snatches at your spiritual fire. Believe me, the devil will try to drain your faithfulness, but your God has already beat the devil. Praise God for the war already won--the devil know he's going to lose.

There is never a bad time to fall to your knees. There is never a bad time to call all angels. There is never a bad time to ask Jesus to intercede on your behalf. There is never a bad time to place all your heart, all your soul, all your fears and all your dreams at the feet of a powerful heavenly Father.

There is always time for more Jesus. 

There is always time for more prayer. 

There is always time for more praise. 

There is always time for more transformation. 

There is always time for one more hallelujahs. 

There is always time for complete joy in Jesus. 

There is always time for a shattered heart to be made new. 

There is always time to meet with Jesus, but the question is, do we overlook the importance of meeting with Him daily? And not just daily, but continually all day.

Yes, I believe you can meet with Jesus 365.5 days a year and 24 hours a day. Jesus will meet you where you are at. You are at work, He’ll meet you there. You are fixing supper, He’ll meet you there. You are sleeping, He’ll meet you in your dreams. How much do you want to see His face, feel His love and help Him transform your life and the world you live in? Where are you? Close your eyes, open your heart--He's right here, right now. Stop, and take time to meet with Him and be in His presence here and now. 

How was your time with Jesus? There is nothing that can beat real, raw and radical time with Jesus. This can be your daily reality.

I’m calling all spiritual soldiers. Let us be the generation, be the people and the church that transforms a world with prayers of praises. Let us praise in action. Let us act in love. Let us love in Jesus and allowing Him to move and sweep over this land.

Yahweh, thank you for the people praying circles. Thank You for all prayers of praise. Thank You for all unanswered prayers. Thank You for continuing to move in a nation and world that have turned their backs on You. Thank You for the spiritual soldiers conquering the world with Your love. Your name is a sweet hallelujah and my hands are lifted high. I praise You for the protection You are putting around each spiritual soldier. I praise You for those who inspire us to seek after Your heart. I praise You for the reality of our biggest dreams and the conquering of our greatest fears. Your love is incomprehensible, but we desire to keep trying to comprehend the incomprehensible. Your name, Your love and Your greatness forever and ever, amen.

Check out, “Praise My Soul The King Of Heaven,” by Graham Kendrick. It is a wonderful song to develop an atmosphere of praise.

The middle of in-between

I'm currently wading through the waters of being stuck in the middle of in-between.

In-between the driver and the passenger seat.

In-between finishing college and the real word.

In-between searching for my destiny and finding my destiny.

In-between uncertainty and understanding.

In-between losing and winning.

In-between jumping off the cliff and hitting the water.

In-between wondering and knowing.

In-between believing the lie and knowing it is a lie.

In-between going through life and truly living life.

In-between pride and humility.

In-between empty and filled completely.

Photo Credit: Lana Southwood

I struggle with fully giving God the driver’s seat and letting Him direct the way I go. I am a strong willed, spontaneous and a free spirited gal who thrives with the thrill of adventure. As most twenty-year-olds do, I often run myself into a wall. This by all means, allows me to realize I am horrible at directing my own life.  At that point, I allow God to take over the driving, but before too long I hop right back into the driver’s seat.

So currently, I am working on being a permanent passenger and allowing God to direct me through life’s journey, but allowing that comes through years of pursuing His direction. I am learning.

I finished up my junior year of college the first of May and it is scary to acknowlegde that three years have come and gone. Where did the time go? I am officially a senior, two semester or one year left. Then it is here. The real world. No three month summer or breaks, just life. I desire to make the most of each moment, each memory, each word and each heartbeat. But, my heart aches. My friends graduated or transferred. Though my mind knows I am not alone. My heart feels lonely. The time in-between college and the real world are crucial to live to the utmost--but where do I begin?

My destiny is to the love the Jesus who has my back, and show His enthusiastic, awesome, merciful and passionate love to the world. But, how? I know my destiny, but I am clueless how to implement my destiny.

Uncertainty can also be defined as doubt or insecurity. For this I cling to Mark 9:24, "I believe, but help my unbelief." I know a lot, but knowledge without the ability to completely understand it is useless. Understanding without belief is even more useless.

I am uncertain of the job I desire after graduation. I am uncertain of how I truly am. I am uncertain of what I want. To make this easy, I do not have it all together. I am certain of one thing though, my Jesus loves me and you better believe I love Him too. Ask me anytime, I will show you, tell you and introduce you to my Jesus.

As an athlete I view life, athletics, academics and many others on a scale of if you are not winning you are losing. Simple. Precise. Real. But, is it true? Deep down I do not believe it is. Yet, I struggle living life as through it is not true. So, I am in-between losing and winning and the understanding there of.

Jumping off the cliff requires guts, confidence, leadership and risk. Those aspects do not bother me. I enjoy taking risk and the guts part is generational. Confidence to run and jump is present and the leadership is being groomed. It is hitting the water that concerns me. If you hit at the wrong angle, it is horribly painful. If you do not jump out far enough, you hit rocks and not water. In my daily life I am dangling in-between those two points. I am not ready to hit the water and start swimming. I want to live in the moment of risk, adventure and confidence. But, the real adventure begins when I hit the water, even if it is painful, and start to pursue and rush toward the place God has prepared for me.

In-between wondering and knowing. My mom often tells me I need to shut off my brain for a little awhile. Have you ever tried that? Let me warn you, it is easier said than done. My wondering embraces all areas of life. I wonder about the weather, qualifying in running, grades and more anything about what my future has in store for me. You cannot know your future until you are living it. So I shall forever be stuck in-between the wondering and knowing of my future.

Satan is too aware of the sin that so easily entangles me. He drags me down with the feeling of loneliness. He has me believing the lie that I am alone, when I am not. He throws the dart of not being good enough to accomplish my desire, which is a lie. I struggle with believing these lies. I am riding the fence of believing and knowing the lie. It is a constant battle, but one worth fighting.

Often I am so immersed in imagining, wondering and pondering upon my future that living the present becomes an obstacle. I forget to live and treasure each moment and memory because I am waiting for those yet to come. If I only wait for those to come, I will never embrace the miracle and wonders of today. Simple knowledge, but it is overlooked daily.

Today, I challenge myself to live each minute. To live a life of impact. To live to bless others and not myself. To live to love, and not to take. To live to embrace and not push away. To live and not rush past the moments of now.

Pride is mans greatest downfall. It is a downfall I have not escaped. It is a downfall I fight on a daily basis. I take pride in my athletic ability, my body and others aspects of who God made me to be. Humility in those areas gets pushed to the wayside. In Proverbs 16:18, it says pride comes before destruction. I am in-between letting pride go and picking up humility, I am learning to clothe myself in humility (First Peter 5:5). My prayer is that of Matthew 23:13, "Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and he who is humble, will be exalted." It is my turn to be humbled.

I am sitting at a table. I feel like every one's glass around me if completely full and running over. I desire to feel that completeness and running over of life, but something is not present. I am in-between being completely empty and completely full. Full of love, full of compassion, full of Jesus and full of desire. I am stuck in a rut and pushing through it.

If you every feel alone in your struggle--please do not. Nobody is perfect. Nobody has it all put together. Nobody has the answer to everything. These quirks make you unique. If you are stuck in the middle of in-between, you are not alone. This is a vogue we are on together. Remember, "I know the plans I have you thus declares the Lord," Jeremiah 29:11.

The First Stone

Photo Credit: Rebekah Southwood

In life we encounter countless opportunities to learn and grow physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.  But, we also encounter a judgmental mentality.

Countless times, I hear the typically, "he plays football, he is dumb," "all the baseball guys are players," "cheerleaders are sluts," or "bowlers are awkward." All these are preconceived notions.

Who says football players are dumb? I know a football player who is now a medical doctor. Who says cheerleaders are sluts? One of the nicest and pure people I know is a cheerleader.

Why is my generation, including myself, judging people for their occupation and not their character and spirit?

Why do we fall into the trap of judgment? Who are we to judge? We are not perfect and can never be perfect.

Jesus addresses the judgmental and said, "And as they continued to ask him, he stood up and said to them, “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.” John 8:7

Jesus also said, “Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye." Matthew 7:1-5

Yesterday, after class a physical giant to 5-foot-4-inches me, leaned over and gave me a hug and gentle asked, "How are you today?" It was a simple gesture that rocked my world.

I instantly thought, "Gentle souls from physical giants. Never overlook the kindred spirits."

This gentleman was football player from what he considers, "the ghetto." He is not someone you would typically see as a kindred spirit. Yet, through all that he is a genuine and kindred spirit admist the rough outer shell.

This drives me to never have preconceived notions and to rid my life of misconceptions about people.

As I've said previously, "lessons learned as a child never pass away."

My hero, Anne of Green Gables, wrote by L.M. Montgomery said, “Kindred spirits are not so scarce as I used to think. It's splendid to find out there are so many of them in the world.” 

Challenge of the day, analyze the character and spirit of people before forming your opinion of them.

Tame Your Train

Photo credit: Richard Robards

The lessons learned as a child never pass away.

For the next two weeks my life feels like a runaway train. I have final papers, research presentations, The Derby Rose Gala, newspaper deadlines, our biggest track meet of the year and friends to say goodbye to. All in an extremely short amount of time.

Though overwhelmed there is a little engine from my childhood that reminds me, "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can."

It is when we throw in the dish towel and say those two deadly words, "I can't," when life goes from overwhelming to impossible. Sometimes I have to look in the mirror and literal say, "you can do this." I CAN, you CAN and together we CAN!

In Corinthians 9:24 it says, "Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it."

There is no receiving a prize, keeping the faith or running with perseverance with "can not's" controlling our lives.

A simple reminder that you can has the ability to tame the runaway train in your life. I challenge you, as I challenge myself, remove all "can not's" from your life and insert "I cans."

A short person with a long story

Photo Credit: Richard Robards

I wake up every morning pen in hand to continue writing my story. These are the pages of my life. No, I am not sitting behind a desk and typing a book to later be published. I am working, sweating and pursuing my dreams because life is not chance or happenstance, it is what we decide to make of it.

I want a life full of enthusiasm. A Life full of dream pursuit and encouragement. A life lived for family and of being a mommy. A life exploding with passion and abounding with joy.

Enthusiasm: "Do everything enthusiastically as something done for the Lord and not for man." Colossians 3:23

Dreams: "When there’s no vision, the people get out of control, but whoever obeys instruction is happy." Proverbs 29:18

Encouragement: "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable--if there is any moral excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise--dwell on these things." Philippians 4:8

Family and mommy: "She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls.  She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks." Proverbs 31:15-17

Joy: "A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones." Proverbs 17:22

With pen in hand, dreams abounding and a Jesus pursuit underway I will write my story. Not alone, because I would only fail time after time. A story of striving to reach potential only leaves me exhausted.

"When the Spirit of truth comes, He will guide you into all the truth." John 16:13
As a screw up, I tend to yearn for the One who knows all truth to mentor me while I live my story.

Pens can be different colors black, blue, red, green or any color ones heart desires. My story is like none other and has a color all its own. Some days I climb mountains victoriously and others days I swing in the valley.

Going through the roughness makes me tough. Going through victories make me thankfully.

Every life story is written with a pen, not a pencil. What has been done is inerasable. Every chapter is lived once. I want the utmost of each word, each smile and every thought--my life will be pursuing the utmost from the utmost Authority.